I just watched the Oprah show, featuring Marie Osmond. She was there to talk about her son Michael, who committed suicide this past year. It brought out all my feelings about the people in my life who have chosen to leave this world before their time.
A distant cousin (ironically) named Michael struggled with a mental disease for many years before he gave up. R.P. Coltrane came to see my family for the last time, just about a week before he shot himself. I chose not to join them for dinner because I couldn't afford it, so I missed seeing him that last time. Two of my second husband's cousins (Trent & Jordan)who didn't seem to have a care in the world until the day they seemed in a rush to go from this life into the next one. Damon who didn't even get to finish his dream. Martin, had so many physical pains that he could only find relief in heaven. Derrick who planned his final hurrah for the weekend his mother was supposed to be gone, and made arrangements for the mess to be cleaned up before she got back, but had to follow through despite the fact she stayed home. Colly, a wonderful young man who didn't realize his potential. Nikki, a beautiful woman who left us way too soon.
I wonder sometimes if they even resided in their bodies in those last minutes before they decided to leave. It seems that in some strange way, they were already disconnected in some way.
Or maybe they were going through some mental pain that was stronger than their desire to stay here. I have had many times with my migraines that I didn't consider suicide, but entertained trying things that would have killed me,to relieve the pain.
I know for certain that each of them are missed every day, by countless people.
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