I have always had a problem (according to my mother) with "taking things the wrong way", but this past year, since I started taking different medications for my migraines, I seem to be having an even harder time feeling like I am being heard, and I come away from meetings, and discussions feeling like "did he/she REALLY just say that?" I really wish I could "bug" myself sometimes so I could have someone else listen in and tell me if I am being too sensitive or if I am coming across in a way that provokes different responses, etc.
Case 1:My Idaho Housing representative.
Over a year ago, she told me about a new law that had passed making it necessary for me to move from a 3 bedroom apartment to a 2 bedroom aparment starting January 2010. (It used to be that if you had a boy and a girl, they insisted that they have separate rooms, now they HAVE TO share a room) I pointed out to her that MY boy and girl are 12 years apart, that my boy is an adult, that we were trying to transition him into the community by essentially having him live as a "boarder" in my house, paying me rent, doing his own laundry, buying his own food, etc, and that making him sleep with his sister would mess with that process. I kept calling her for the next 2 months, asking if there was ANYTHING we could do to fight it, and she kept telling me no, so I gave my notice and started looking for an apartment. My current manager started fighting for me at that point, and even got nasty with my Idaho Housing rep., and the rep. shot back with something like, "Well if she feels this strongly about it, why didn't she ask for an accomodation?" My manager asked about it, and found out that because Dalton is disabled, he can ask for an accomodation, stating that having to share the room would affect his disability in some way, and we wouldn't have to move. (???!!!!!) I was relieved, angry, and dissapointed all at the same time because we had already packed a bunch of boxes, said all our goodbyes, and resigned ourselves to moving, but really happy that we got to stay.
I called her to ask about it, and she said she had told me about it in the meeting in November, but I KNOW that if she had said anything about it, I would not have been making all those phone calls in between asking what we could do to fight it. She still insisted that I just didn't hear her say it. Then she told me that I needed to understand that the accomodation is only for Dalton, and that if/when he ever moves out, we still would have to move to a smaller place. I told her I understood that, and knowing he was planning a mission for about August 2010, I didn't even put the pictures back up on the walls or anything.
Then last month, Nov 2010, it was time to recertify again, and I called before the meeting and asked her what all it would entail when Dalton leaves for his mission (cuz his papers are at the Stake lever at this point, so we are thinking it should be just a couple of months)and she said it would basically be a repeat of what I was going through for the recertification process "so it's too bad I couldn't just put in my notice now and get it all over with at once". So I did. I gave my notice on Nov 15th, which meant I have to be out by Dec 15th. Then at the recert. on Nov 16, she said "Dalton going on a mission is like having a family member who is a truck driver, so you could still count him as a member of the family and still keep his accomodation, and still live in a 3 bedroom if you wanted". 2011, we would have to move into a 2 bedroom in 2012. I told her we would be looking for a 2 bedroom.
She also dropped the "bombshell" that I couldn't commit to an apartment until after my "briefing" on Dec 1st. I could "look", but not start the process until then. That made the process a lot more complicated. Now I have less than a week before I have to be out of the old apartment, and at least a week and a half of paperwork before I can move into the new one.
Case 2: My Bishop
I don't even know where to begin...it would take 3 posts to go into detail about everything that has happened since we moved into the ward, so I will just skim the facts.
Spring 2006 confessed my sins (had just moved out of living with a guy)and he said we may need to hold a church court. Told me he would get back to me, but until then, I shouldn't accept any callings, and "if I was a priesthood holder, he would be telling me I couldn't pass the sacrament".
November 2007 I had seen him a couple of times since then, and hinted around about it, but felt like it wasn't my place to question the "timetable of the Lord", but 1 1/2 years later, I finally asked him about it. He said he had forgotten about it and thought I knew that since he didn't call me I was forgiven and free to move forward with a clear conscience.
Jan 2009 Son got baptized & almost immediately started talking about going on a mission. I took Bishop aside, told him about my concerns (he has never been far from home, when he has been away from home, he lasts about a month before he has a nervous breakdown and comes home, he has a lot of nervous habits that his companion would need to be prepared for, etc.) The Bishop stopped just short of patting my head and said something like, "You would be surprised by the miracles that happen on a mission. He will get out there, and he will be cured.", etc.
Dec 2010 We turned in the bulk of the paperwork in June, and the final papers on the first Sunday of August. Each week, the Bishop said, "One more week". Finally in Nov, he said he had sent them to the Stake, and we started gettting,"So and so has your paperwork" then So and So would say someone else had them. Finally, I went to the Bishop for something totally unrelated (we will talk about that in a minute) and just as I was leaving, he said, "Oh by the way, the Stake wants your son to have a Psychological examination before they send his paperwork on". I was dissapointed because I had made an appointment with him, he hadn't called me, we were moving out of the ward, so we would not be going to church there anymore, and he knew it, but he just "casually" mentioned it as I was walking out of his office.
I have been struggling EVERY month this year to pay my bills. I feel like it is kind of ironic that I have paid my tithing faithfully EVERY month this year for the first time in my entire life, and it has been one of the hardest years in my entire life financially, but I just keep paying it. Sooo, anyway, I am getting ready to move, and I need $500 for the deposit, and about $300 for my portion of the rent. I went to my Bishop last night to see if he could help me, and he said no. He said if I hadn't paid my bills, he could have paid my bills so I could have used my money to pay the deposit, but he can't pay the deposit. He asked if we could use Dalton's "mission savings", and I said he can't save money because it would "mess up our food stamps", and he said "Can't he just stash some away?" (wouldn't that be lying?) Then he offered a food order, and I explained that we had some food stamps left to get us through for the next week at least, and that I would prefer NOT to get a bunch of food that I would just have to move and possibly store in my dad's basement until I can come up with the money for the deposit..blah blah blah and he acted like I just didn't appreciate his help. He wants me to take back my 30 day notice, stay until the 1st, and let him pay January's bills so I can use my money to pay the deposit. I tried to explain to him that in January I would need the usual $700-800 for the regular bills, plus the full first month's rent (abt $255 for my share) plus the $500 deposit, so even if he paid the whole $700-$800...and he broke in and said, "Oh we could only pay maybe your rent and power, not the whole $700" and I said, "Then I will be in the same boat again next month, only with another bishop by then." and he said, "That is true, if you move now, you could ask the other bishop to help you next month", then he smiled kind of sheepishly.
I just wish I had someone else with me so I knew if I just "took it all wrong".
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