When my parents divorced in 1989, it was a very "friendly" parting. My mother had been unhappy in the marriage for many years, and my father found another wife very quickly, so they were both fine with the way things ended. There are still little things that crop up between them, but it has more to do with personality clashes than the fact that they once loved each other and now hate each other. In fact, at any family event, like a baby blessing or a soccer game, you will see my mother sitting next to my step mother or my father as if they are all good friends. That is how it has been from the beginning, and I only occasionally find it strange. Usually when I hear of a newly divorced couple who have to exchange their children in a neutral place I think to myself, "My parents are either really great or really weird".
So the whole "amicable divorce" thing isn't exactly foreign in my immediate family, but my ex-husband's grandmother's house has become the ultimate example of the neutral zone.
When I first got married to Steve, his mother's side of the family, and his father's side of the family was still at war enough that we had to have the wedding at his father's house, then ban his father's family from the reception so his mother's family could come to it. The bad feelings continued between them throughout our entire marriage, and even up until my daughter was born 15 years later. At that point, a "miracle" happened. Steve's father, step-mother, and maternal grandmother all came to see the baby together. That seemed to break the ice between the two families.
When I divorced Steve, I really tried to stay "friendly" with him and his family for the sake of our son, and his grandmother was very accommodating about it. She always made me feel welcome (more so even than when we were married)and made sure I was invited to family dinners, etc. I usually declined, due to the fact that I was still afraid of my ex husband and didn't really like to be in his presence unless it was necessary, but I appreciated the invitation, and still felt close to a lot of his family. As time went on, Steve moved to another state, and I spent more time with his grandparents and other family, and a lot of my family members even came with me sometimes.
Over the years, all three of Granny's daughters have gotten divorced, and two of them died. Their ex-husband's have remarried and/or have girlfriends, and they all come to see Granny. Sometimes, even after the ex husband of one of Granny's daughters has broken up with a woman, the woman still stops in to see Granny, and she is treated like family.
Now, on any given day you could see this "strange" group of people sitting in Granny's kitchen: Granny, me (her grandson's ex-wife), Liz (my sister), Sherrie (her daughter Pat's ex-husband's stepdaughter), Terry (her daughter Becky's ex-husband), Laverna (her daughter Paulette's ex-husbands wife), and Airiel(my nephew's ex-wife).
Everyone is family, and no one would dare treat each other like they didn't belong. In fact, when I made a comment the other day about how ironic it was that not only do I feel welcome in my ex-husband's grandmother's house, but that my ex family members feel welcome in her house (referring to my nephews ex), she said, "She didn't divorce me!", with such force, that I knew I had committed a major faux pas.
I like the way she thinks most of the time. It can be a little sticky when you have a "not so good relationship" with her grandson, and you would prefer not to be "one big happy family" with him, but it is nice to be part of the rest of his family.
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